The Healing of Multiple Sclerosis Embracing Love,
God and the Innate Inner Healer
The Published Article, Alternative Magazine, November 22, 2011
I believe disease is a call for our attention, a “knocking at the door”, so to speak. Disease asks us to look deeply within to find the answers, so we can heal our beings, our hearts, our souls—our life. It asks us to heal in a way that, perhaps, we would never have noticed until the illness demanded our attention.
In 1990, disease began pounding at my door, and I was forced to face my greatest fear, a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. With my background as a professional ballet dancer, I couldn’t imagine dealing with a disease much worse, as my self image was strongly identified with my physical abilities. I was terrified about MS and its possible deterioration of physical abilities. I had prayed at night that I would not contract this disease.
I was completely devastated for a month as I went through the stages common to tragic news; denial, anger, sadness and finally acceptance. Doctors told me there was nothing they could do. No treatment was available beyond medication, a course I had once tried and vowed not to do again. Their assessment was that it could not be healed. I would just have to “wait and see how it goes”.
What? Wait and see if I became disabled? That, fortunately, was not a concept that I could or would grasp. So, what would I grasp? What would I do?
Gradually, I began to focus on a feeling, coming up from the depths of my being, telling me (contrary to my doctor’s belief) that it was, in fact, possible to heal this disease, and that I could do it. It didn’t feel true to me that the MS was inevitable; I knew it could be healed. I thought, “we can’t just be left as victims. We have to be able to heal these things”.
This awareness was not based on any scientific evidence. It was a deep knowing that just felt true. So, I reasoned, if in fact this could be healed, how would that happen? At this point, I hadn’t a clue.
First, I decided to try the traditional methods offered at my local MS Center in Colorado—support groups, biofeedback and nutritional counseling to name a few. I had done quite a bit of research, especially on nutrition, beforehand and found that little new information (for me) was available at the Center. I remember standing in the circle of the support group, listening to the anguished stories of people with MS. I wanted so much to say “it doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to be in this pain, it is possible to heal this disease”. But how would I tell them to heal it? I too had MS and wasn’t able to heal my own illness.
Since looking for the answer outside of my self provided no solution, I began to sense that the answers were within. I could feel something drawing me in, calling me to travel deep inside and find the answer there. I searched my being, scanning for the connection to something greater than myself, something bigger than the MS. I explored ever deeper, waiting for that moment of inner certainty when you know you’ve hit the truth. At last it happened—I felt it, that jewel of the deep truth revealed itself. The ultimate answer was GOD! Of course, it was God.
I realized in that moment that God is bigger than the MS, bigger than my fears, and can heal this supposedly “incurable” disease. God can do anything. It was THE answer! In that moment, I completely surrendered the illness to God. I Let Go.
The complete surrender of the MS in every aspect to God was the first and most profound step in my healing process. I felt as though I placed the MS in my hands and handed it all over. “Here God I give this to you to do with as you will”. I then experienced a wave of relief, as though, in that moment, God picked it up and held it, and on some level inside myself, unknown and unknowable to me before, the illness was healed in an instant.
This is the God that goes by many names: Allah, God, Goddess, Buddha, Christ, Love, Universal Truth, The One. It is any belief higher than oneself, that brings us to our heart, our soul, our deepest truth, our essence. Essence is the place inside us where we meet God. It is the truest, most complete and loving part of who we are. It is our truth. When we connect and honor that truth within us, all things are possible. The result is an astounding miracle, the miracle of Healing Love.
What followed was four years journeying into the deepest realms of my being, connecting profoundly with God, my true essence and my inner healer. Ultimately, I was required to heal every aspect of my life to effect the complete healing of the MS in my body.